|for lardencelover - fic - My place (lines that I couldn’t change) [Brian/Justin/Michael]
||[Mar. 31st, 2005|05:30 pm]
My place (lines that I couldn’t change)|
Summary: Michael thinks and Michael wants.
Michael has always been one to stand back while Emmett or Brian tries to drag him out to the dance floor. Brian is usually the only reason he will go out. He prefers to stand back, to watch the people, the dancing, and the drinking. To watch Brian.
Michael watches Brian with Justin. Brian eating with Justin. Brian dancing with Justin. Brian dancing with a trick. Justin taking a drink. Justin walking out to meet them and shoving the trick out of his way. The trick forgotten. They pop pills together. Michael takes a drink.
Bigger then life. Brian would take on the world if he felt like it and it was him that blocked Michael’s view of reality before Michael knew what it was. The day to day actions that Brian makes, they are always changing him, making him different. Obscuring thoughts and ideas until he is something else, changing him till he can't tell what is Brian's influence and what is himself. Making him be like Brian, want to act like Brian. Making him want different things, do something else. Fuck everything he can see. Fuck as much as possible. Fuck Justin.
The part of his brain that Mr. Brian Kinney has taken over, the need to flaunt and be big, and the need to posses the brightest star. Something bigger then the sun, which is what Justin is in Brian's mind. Michael knows this, it's in his mind too and he can't help but want to hate and love Justin just like Brian does.
Michael. Novotny. Mikey. Brian's Best Friend. His whole being wrapped into a few words. A few simple words to describe a person that Michael doesn’t feel is really there anymore. His true self has been pushed back and someone else has taken over. These thoughts didn't start till he started doing drugs with Brian. Easily influenced. Easily changed.
As a kid, Michael never thought he would end up here. Babylon, drinking, dancing. Watching his Best Friend dancing with a kid out on the floor. Looking at him and smiling in a way Michael hadn't seen since Brian was a kid. He wants to join; he wants to be part of it. Brian, who's been there forever. Justin who is more then any of them can really handle, but Brian wants to try. Michael wants to watch.
"Come out and dance with the big boysMikey."
He didn't notice Brian walking up, just like he doesn't noticethe hand on his ass is Justin's, till he has been dragged out onto the floor and is now moving, dancing, with them. Fingers pressing a small pill against his lips and it slips onto his tongue. It sits, melting in his mouth and the music picks up and they all move.
Soon, he's covered in sweat and has forgotten everything around them. He doesn't hear the music, he feels it. He watches Brian and Justin though, he always watches. They are pressed together again, just looking at each other. Justin is giggling. Michael moves closer to feel them and their energy. It comes off in waves and he wants to be there, be in them and be with them. He moves till they are separated and he is held up by them pressing him in. Pushing till he is smashed and they can touch each other again. Just a person in the way of something that can't be stopped, so Michael bides his time till they do and moves with them.
Michael knows why Brian likes to touch Justin, he can see why, but doing is different. Not a big height difference and Michael can rest his head on Justin's neck and hold onto his hips, follow his movements. Brian moving them all with his arms embracing them, holding them all together. Or just trying to touch Justin. He doesn't know, isn't sure, and never is of anything really. But the beat, the two hard cocks he feels pressing into him. He wonders if they could go through him and meet each other. If they could use him at the same time so that he could understand just what it is that makes them so volatile when they are with each other, yet the most constant thing in Michael’s life. The sun rises and sets, and Brian and Justin will always fuck.
It's warm and Michael is feeling tired and he hopes he doesn't fall. He isn't sure that Brian pressed up against his back can prevent that. Bright light and colors, two warm bodies and still he feels so alone. Maybe he should fall. Let the floor swallow him and hold him. Let them dance above him, let him hold them up. Feel the feet touching and crushing him.
Bright lights are on, and he's being stopped. It's closing; he's being kicked out of his drug induced dream world. Brian is dragging him out with Justin's hands resting on his shoulders, helping steer him through the crowd. He's being put into his jacket; Justin is helping him with his arms. He leans forward and Justin looks up, he feels a breath on his face and wide, blood shot eyes look back before he's pulled back by hands and Brian whispers in his ear with warm, heavy breaths.
"We are taking you home. Okay?"
Okay, that's fine. Sure, please. That's what he wants to say, but he can't get over the warm and slightly sticky feelings of Justin's hand in his, did he jerk Brian off? Did they do it in the backroom? They probably did. The probably did it twice and then a found a trick to suck them both off again.
Michael doesn't notice the car ride home, or at least, he doesn't focus on the lights and the darkness outside. It makes him feel sick to see it go by so fast. He watches the back of Brian’s head, it's always facing forward, but he can see Brian's eyes looking at him from the rearview mirror. Quick looks, they don't have anything in them, just quick stares. Probably to make sure he doesn't throw up.
And suddenly he's in his apartment, in his room and undressed with Justin pulling the covers over him.
"I don't think he even realizes where he is. I bet we could do it right next to him and he wouldn't even know."
"Then lets do it, the sounds might give little Mikey some good dreams."
"I was joking."
Michael wonders if it would seem strange for him to speak up and ask them to go ahead, that it's okay. Do it on my floor. Do it next to me. Do it in the bed. Do do it with me.
And he feels a hand on his cock, stroking. His own, because now he can hear Brian and Justin. Justin may have been joking, but Brian wasn't and it is giving Michael a hard on, hearing the noises and thinking of being between them. Rubbing against them, hands on him, his hands everywhere else. He can peer through the door and see them if he wants too, but he'll see them alone with each other and that would ruin it. So he listens, eyes closed and slowly rubs his cock.
They finish, clean up and leave. Michael still hasn't come yet, he doesn't think he can. He rarely does when thinking about Brian or the few times he has thought about Justin. Strange, but Michael knows why. That little part of him that is Brian stops him. Michael knows that he could never have one night of sex, one night of anything, with Brian. Brian thinks it's because Michael wants forever, Michael knows he could never do that either. Because in Michael's mind, the part that Brian has created, there is a list of things he has always wanted to have, to do and Michael has never been there.