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for stevenghost - fic - I Wish I Was Your Lover [Brian/Ben] [Mar. 30th, 2005|12:57 pm]
I Wish I Was Your Lover
For skittles

Pairing: Brian/Ben
Summary: Song fic to "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" By Sophie B. Hawkins. Ben and Brian do it yay. Justin sees. Yay. Set in early season three while Brian is mourning the loss of his man.
Rating: R. If you can watch the show then you can read the fic.

sleep beside an empty rage


Ben never really hated Brian. Not the way it seems, Michael's ex David hated him. Ben was never jealous of Brian. Never bitter towards the intense friendship Brian and Michael shared. And it wasn't just because Brian's cock had been up his ass making him in someway on level ground with Brian when it came to Michael. It was mostly because at night when Ben held Michael in his arms, he knew Michael was his. Even right now, when Michael was out clubbing with Brian he knew Michael would come home to him. He understood that Brian was still suffering the loss of Justin to another man. Even if he wouldn't admit to being upset at all.

Ben pretty much assumed that Brian was drinking and fucking away his pain. If Michael wasn't there with him who knows what shit Brian would get himself into. But as Ben turns over in bed, he wonders why it's three o'clock in the morning and he's still awake.

Michael's snuggled up against Ben's chest the next morning and Ben runs his heavy hands down Michael's lean back. He smells of alcohol and pot and Ben doesn't say anything about it over breakfast.


i'll do such things to ease your pain


Michael stays late at the shop to do inventory and Ben needs to unwind after a long day of classes. He knows he's got papers to grade and lessons to plan but somehow really loud music and a couple drinks at Babylon sound so much better. Babylon isn't as packed as usual. Maybe because it's a Monday and everyone's resting from the weekend. Lights dart across slick bodies and Ben pushes the sleeves of his sweater up as he makes his way to the bar. He's on his second beer when he feels a hand on his lower back and suddenly a very fucked up Brian Kinney is trying to sit himself down on a stool at the bar. The stool tips with his weight and Ben reaches out to stop him from falling over.

"It's the professor. Shouldn't you be at home with the wife?" Brian slurs, settling his chin on his hand he props his head on his elbow and bats his eyes at Ben.

"I'm just having a drink before I go home," Ben yells over the music.

"Why not go to Woody's then?"

"Don't know. Just felt like coming here."

Sweat drips down the sides of Brian's face and his eye lids flutter shut for a moment.

"Are you ok?" Ben asks as he starts to stand up, pulling Brian up with him.

"I'm fine. I just need another drink." Brian signals for the bartender and Ben grabs a hold of his bicep, pulling him towards the exit. Brian doesn't even protest. He slumps against Ben's body and let's Ben lead him towards the jeep.


i'll rock you till the daylight comes


Brian's weight rests heavily on Ben's shoulder as he drags Brian towards his bed. Ben looks around the loft uneasily, suddenly realizing he'd never really been in it before. He'd picked Michael up there a few times but never really went inside. The loft's lit in deep blues and Ben grunts as he drops Brian down on the bed. Brian rolls over and reaches for a pack of cigarettes on the bedside table.

"Where's your fridge?" Ben asks, pursing his lips as he tries to ignore the heavy smell of cigarette smoke. Brian tips his head in a general direction and Ben heads towards the kitchen. He comes back and drops a water bottle on Brian's bare stomach as Brian finishes pulling his shirt off and throwing it in the floor.

"You can go now." Brian closes his eyes and blows smoke slowly, lips barely parted. Ben crosses his arms and stands above the bed, shaking his head.

"You know, Ethan might be good for him. Might be what he needs." Ben doesn't know why he's even still standing there.

"What the fuck are you mumbling about?" Brian sits up on his elbows and squints his eyes. Ben doesn't answer and they stare at each other in silence for awhile. Brian finishes the water and Ben leans down to take the empty bottle from him. Their fingers brush against one another and Brian reaches out with his other hand to take hold of Ben's wrist. He pulls him down lightly until Ben is on his knees on the bed, face incredibly close to Brian's. The bed is soft and the lights are seductive and Ben can't believe Brian smells so good. Alcohol and expensive cologne.

Brian licks his lips, beads of sweat still running down his face. "You know, I had you before Michael did."

Ben swallows. He can't help but meet Brian's eyes.

"Remember?" Brian smiles softly.

"What are you doing?" Ben asks, hands clutching at the bed sheets to keep from reaching out to touch Brian's lean arms, hard stomach.

"I'm getting ready to fuck your brains out. Why?" Brian's face inches in closer.

"You're fucked up over Justin and I'm not going to let mess up what I have with Michael."

"Teach, this has nothing to do with Michael." Brian barely gets out the sentence before Ben's lips are on his. The kiss is familiar and yet somehow completely new. Brian rolls on top of Ben, running his hands up the undersides of Ben's thick arms and inching his sweater up as he does. The sweater comes off and Brian appreciates Ben's careful detail to his body as he always has. Shoes get kicked off and pretty soon they're down to the underwear. Ben's hands push inside Brian's and he runs his hands over ass and thighs.


and I return as chained and bound to you


Justin stands outside of the loft doors clutching the tail of his shirt. He doesn't know why he's there. Doesn't know why he's so nervous. He knows he wants Ethan. He also knows that he really does still have some things he needs to get from the loft and there's no reason why he should be nervous about picking up his shit. Fuck, it's his. His cell phone vibrates in his baggy jeans and he's pretty sure it's Ethan. He sends the call straight to voicemail.

He sticks the key in the lock and quietly opens the door, not wanting to wake Brian up if he's asleep. Last thing he needs is a half-asleep Brian to deal with. Justin remembers the first time he accidentally woke Brian up in his sleep during his first couple weeks of staying at the loft after they'd first met. He'd gotten really into Play Station and as it was a Sunday night he couldn't sleep anyway. He never could sleep on Sundays. Apparently screaming "YES!" and "TAKE THAT BITCH!" to a gaming system really pisses off Brian at two o'clock in the morning because Brian had come storming out of the bedroom yelling so many cuss words Justin wasn't even sure if he was yelling them in English or if it was just one long run-on sentence.

"SHITFUCKSONOFABITCHIAMGOINGTOKICKYOURASSOUTIFYOUDON'TSHUTTHEGODDAMNFUCKUP". It wasn't pretty. But of course Brian had punished him by turning him over on the couch and fucking his quivering hole so hard he came without even so much as laying a hand on his cock.

Justin shivers at the memory and steps slowly into the loft. At first he thinks Brian's asleep until he hears soft grunts and heavy breathing. Justin's not surprised Brian's tricking and he walks quickly up to the steps that lead up to the bedroom because god damn if Justin even fucking cares.

Brian's body rocks fast against the body beneath him, fucking the guy hard and relentlessly. Justin swallows and squints in the pale blue light. Both Brian and the man beneath him have their backs to him, Brian fucking the guy from behind. Justin starts to turn to leave when something stops him. He steps a bit closer and....yes...the guy looks familiar.

It only takes him another second and he thinks he's going to pass out because Brian Kinney fucking Ben Bruckner is hotter then he ever thought it would be. It doesn't even occur to him that Ben is with Michael and what Brian is doing with him is hugely wrong. Justin doesn't think about any of the why's or why knots because watching Brian's slick cock thrust in and out of Ben's perfectly shaped ass is almost too much.

Justin bites his bottom lip, holding it between his teeth. He leaves.


you’re the only shoe that fits


They're all at Babylon. Justin's come with Emmett only because Ethan needed some privacy at home while he practiced. Brian's on the dance floor grinding so hard against a little twink the poor thing is about to come in his pants any second now. Ben's at the bar with Michael and Ted and Michael is kissing small kisses to Ben's throat and jaw. Ben smiles, wrapping his arms around Michael's smaller frame.

"What's wrong? They don't call you Sunshine for nothing!" Emmett's yells over the music as he tries to wipe away a stain on his shirt from his Cosmo.

"Nothing," Justin says flatly. He makes his way to the dance floor and without even a word the twink backs away as Justin presses his body in front of Brian's. Brian stares at him confused.

"I saw you." Justin raises an eyebrow.

"Oh really?" Brian asks, turning to leave the dance floor. Justin grabs his arm and turns him back around to face him.

"You and Ben. The other night. I came back for some stuff. And I saw you."

Brian smiles and reaches out to pat Justin's cheek patronizingly, "Hot? Right?".

"That's not the point. You shouldn't have done it." Justin's bangs fall into his eyes and he stares hard at Brian.

Brian shakes his head and after a moments hesitation he opens his mouth to say something...and then turns around to make his way to the backroom.


free your mind and you won’t feel ashamed


Later that night while the gang's at Woody's, every so often Ben and Brian's eyes meet. Eventually Michael, Emmett, and Ted go to set up a game of pool. Ben and Brian remain sitting at the table in silence. Brian takes a sip of his beer and leans over the table top towards Ben.

"Thanks for taking care of me the other night." Brian's smirk makes Ben want to slap him. Ben doesn't reply. He sits and watches as Brian joins the game of pool. He watches Brian rub up on Michael playfully all night long and Ben hates himself because for the first time, he's jealous of Brian and Michael. Except...at this particular moment he's not really sure what makes him more jealous. Brian's arms around Michael? Or Michael's arms around Brian?

[User Picture]From: skittles
2005-04-01 11:57 pm (UTC)
SQUEE! I LOVE IT! So much angst! <333

Because I don't know most of the people that participated I'm slightly hesitant to guess. I don't want to appear idiotic. But since it's all in good fun anyway I'm going to guess nightsister.
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[User Picture]From: skittles
2005-04-06 05:30 pm (UTC)
OMG NO! I LOVED IT! Thank you so much!! <333
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[User Picture]From: citizenjess
2005-04-02 06:55 am (UTC)
EEEE. I know who wrote this but did not get to read it in its entirety but now that I have, I have to say that I am so, so glad you went with your Plan B (although the first thing you showed me was also very :>)! My favorite line was this:

Brian smiles and reaches out to pat Justin's cheek patronizingly, "Hot? Right?".

Because HOLY CRAP, mid-season three, that is TOTALLY WHAT BRIAN WOULD DO. I mean, I can see it. :X :X :X
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[User Picture]From: luciblue
2005-04-04 04:45 am (UTC)
This was right-on, totally Brian. I enjoyed this.
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[User Picture]From: seedyapartment
2005-04-04 03:33 pm (UTC)
Gah, this was so hot. I think that Brian/Ben is a favorite pairing of mine.
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[User Picture]From: paddies
2005-04-06 12:08 pm (UTC)
OMG I loved it!! ♥
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[User Picture]From: bigdogz09
2010-08-04 12:10 am (UTC)
Don't ask me how I found this story because I don't know, but I'm glad I found it. It is hot! Great pairing!
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